- Life should have choices beyond mere survival.
- You have a right to say no to anything when you feel you are not ready or it is unsafe.
- Life should not be motivated by fear.
- You have a right to all your feelings.
- You are probably not guilty.
- You have a right to make mistakes.
- There is no need to smile when you cry.
- You have a right to terminate conversations with people who make you feel put down or humiliated.
- You can be healthier than those around you.
- It is OK to be relaxed, playful and frivolous.
- You have a right to change and grow.
- It is important to set limits and be selfish.
- You can be angry with someone you love.
- You can take care of yourself no matter what circumstances you are in.
The original and ‘other’ Laundry List are here.
Flip Side of the Laundry List
- We move out of isolation and are not unrealistically afraid of other people, even authority figures.
- We do not depend on other to tell us who we are.
- We are not automatically frightened by angry people and no longer regard personal criticism as a threat.
- We do not have a compulsive need to recreate abandonment.
- We stop living from the standpoint of victims and are not attracted by this trait in our love and friendship relationships.
- We do not use enabling as a way to avoid looking at our own shortcomings.
- We do not feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves.
- We avoid emotional intoxication and choose workable relationships instead of constant upset.
- We are able to distinguish love from pity, and do not think “rescuing” people we “pity” is an act of love.
- We come out of denial about our traumatic childhoods and regain the ability to feel and express our emotions.
- We stop judging and condemning ourselves and discover a sense of self-worth.
- We grow in independence and are no longer terrified of abandonment. We have interdependent relationships with healthy people not dependent relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable.
- The characteristics of alcoholism and para alcoholism we have internalized are identified acknowledged and removed.
- We are actors, not reactors.